What are you bringing to the table?
A Lesson in Team Dynamics…from a Potluck
I love to entertain.
The last couple of years, it’s been harder and harder to throw spontaneous dinner parties, and I find myself reminiscing a lot. When I was younger—in my early 20s—my parents used to host a Christmas Eve party. It started, like many do, as a potluck.
Potlucks are tricky. Let’s be real: there’s a reason tools like Perfect Potluck and SignUp Genius exist. As much as my mother wanted the effort of feeding 50+ guests distributed, she also wanted it balanced, well-executed, and a little classy. But here’s the thing: without clear guidelines, a few well-placed asks, and the understanding that someone will always show up four hours late with a rogue appetizer, you risk ending up with all chips and dip—no sides or salads. All light beer, no red wine or sweet tea.
Eventually, we learned to be more purposeful about how we set expectations for this ritual. We shared the menu of what we were making and asked folks to tell us what they were bringing. That way, when someone inevitably asked, "What should we bring?" we could offer real suggestions. It’s easy to say, "Bring whatever you want." But if that’s not what you mean, you can’t be surprised when you get the fourth pack of Solo cups and a bottle of Two Buck Chuck. We also encouraged people to bring a dish that meant something to them—something that celebrated the holidays. And we made room for the folks who would arrive later, bringing ice, wine, or dessert.
Why am I telling you about our Christmas potluck? One, because I miss it. But mostly because it’s the perfect metaphor for purpose-built team spaces.
A potluck is a dynamic conversation. It’s created, not consumed. The host sets the tone, but the guests shape the experience. Whether the event is robust and memorable or flat and forgettable comes down to what each person contributes. Teams are the same.
Your Team is a Shared Table
Imagine your team gathered around a table. Each of you carries emotions, knowledge, wisdom, skills, and beliefs. In your weekly meeting, you bring those pieces to the center of the table to be shared. What you're creating isn't just a deliverable—it's a relationship. A dynamic, living thing that feeds off what you give it: your attention, your stories, your kindness. Or your resentment, fear, and frustration. Or maybe it starves—from silence, absence, or withdrawal.
Why this matters
Relationships thrive or suffer based on what we give and what we hold back. Because relationships aren’t just Me and You. They are also We.
Seeing our relationships this way opens the door to a new kind of accountability. When we know what’s in our heads (beliefs), our hearts (values), and our hands (skills), we can better feed the relationship what it needs. Sometimes, your team needs you to hold space for others to speak. Sometimes, your relationship with your PM needs you to bring patience because they’re stuck but trying. Sometimes, your relationship with yourself needs you to hold off on judgment and lean into appreciation.
Even if it’s easier, safer, faster to do the opposite. Just like grabbing napkins and ice is easier than baking cookies.
But how do we know what's needed if we don't ask? If we don’t show up fully, don’t recognize our contribution as part of something larger?
The Invitation
If you’ve been feeling stalled, disconnected, or unsure how to move forward—this is your invitation back to the table.
So, the next time you sit down at that metaphorical (or very real) table, ask yourself:
What am I really bringing?
What am I holding back?
What does this moment need from me?
And then ask your team:
What do you need more of from me this week?
What might I be holding back that could help?
