Culture Is a Potluck (And You're the Host)

I once watched a senior leader shut down three people in seven minutes.

Not loudly. Not obviously. Just a well-timed "Let's table that," an eyebrow raise at someone's suggestion, and a pivot back to the agenda that left no room for follow-up. By the time we hit the parking lot, two of those three people had already decided what they wouldn't be bringing to the next meeting.

Here's what's wild: that leader would tell you they value diverse perspectives. They'd tell you they want honest feedback. They probably even mean it. But people don't bring what you say you want. They bring what experience has taught them is actually welcome.

Leadership lessons from a potluck

Think about the last potluck you attended.

Kate brought her world-famous mashed potatoes. Samish brought something his mother made that he swore everybody would love. And Brian? Brian brought red solo cups. Again.

But here's what's interesting: two potlucks ago, Brian brought his special homemade wine. He'd been working on it for months. He was excited to share it. And people turned their noses up at it. Made a few jokes. Nobody tried it twice.

So Brian learned something: effort isn't always worth it here. Next time, he downgraded to store-bought beer. This time? Solo cups. He's still showing up, but he's done bringing anything that costs him something.

Now imagine that potluck is your leadership team.

Because that's what culture looks like up close. It's not catered. It doesn't magically appear because you used the right words in your values statement. Culture is a potluck—everyone brings something, and what shows up is a direct reflection of what's been welcomed, or quietly punished, over time.

Being a good host is critical

A good host doesn't just say "bring whatever!" and hope for the best. They set the table. They say: I'm handling the mains, everyone bring a side. Or: we need three desserts, two salads, and don't worry about cups—I've got those covered. They create clarity about what's needed and what's valued.

And when someone brings something that took real effort—even if it's not the host's personal taste—a good host makes space for it. They don't dismiss it. They don't redirect attention to the "safer" dishes. They respect that someone cared enough to try.

Because everyone else is watching. And they're learning what will be welcome next time.

As a leader - you ARE the host.

You want people to bring their sharpest thinking? Their hard questions? Their energy?

Great. But first, get honest: What did they learn the last time they brought something real?

Most people aren't afraid to contribute. They're afraid of wasting good food and heartfelt effort.

They're not going to keep offering their best thinking if it gets managed away, redirected, or met with the conversational equivalent of a polite head nod before someone changes the subject. That's not a confidence problem—it's pattern recognition.

People pay attention. They notice which ideas get traction and which ones die quietly. They clock the sighs, the interruptions, the "thanks for sharing" that's really just an exit ramp. They watch who gets invited back into the discussion and who slowly fades out.

Over time, they adjust their contribution.
They stop bringing the dish that took effort.
They bring something safer.
Or they stop bringing anything at all.

And then you wonder why the table feels so bland.

So, how are you setting the table?

How are you creating a space for people to show up fully. What do people learn by watching you in the room?

Do they learn that dissent is welcome as long as it's packaged nicely? That honesty is appreciated, but only if it doesn't slow things down? That creativity is encouraged, within boundaries no one ever names?

Because whatever they're learning from you is exactly what they'll bring next time.

Culture isn't what you say in the all-hands.
It's what people remember after the meeting ends.

They remember who got interrupted. Who got backed up. Who was dismissed so smoothly it almost looked respectful. They remember whether it felt worth it to speak up—or whether next time they should just keep it light and pass the chips.

Culture change doesn't start when people contribute more.
It starts when leaders show up differently—consistently enough that people trust it.

Before your next meeting, ask yourself:
How am I setting the table?

Better yet—ask them.

If that question makes you squirm a little, that's probably a good thing.