Obligation wearing a party hat

Your monthly happy hour used to be packed.

People stayed late, traded war stories, celebrated the wins, commiserated over the losses. It was the place where inside jokes were born and team bonds were made. You didn't have to mandate it. People just showed up.

Now? Half the team ghosts it.

You could chalk it up to Zoom fatigue or shifting priorities or people being flaky. But then someone tells you the truth: "I've got two little ones at home now. Evenings are sacred—and chaotic."

And suddenly it clicks.

Six of the fifteen people on your team became parents in the last two years. One teammate is on a flexible schedule caring for an aging parent. Another is deep into marathon training and guards their evenings like Fort Knox.

Life looks different now. For all of them.

But your celebration ritual? Still stuck in 2015.

What Used to Work Isn't Working

Here's the uncomfortable part: some people on your team still love the happy hour. It's tradition. It's familiar. It's part of the company's origin story. You've been doing it for a decade.

But if you're honest, you have to ask: does it still serve the purpose it was created for? You created it to build connection. To celebrate wins. To make people feel like they belong.

And now it's doing the opposite. It's making people choose between showing up for the team and showing up for themselves. That's not connection. That's obligation wearing a party hat.

The Thing About Rituals

Rituals aren't just habits with better branding. They're carriers of meaning. They signal to your people what matters and why. The monthly happy hour wasn't just about drinks. It was about saying: "We value time together. We celebrate the work we do. We're more than our output."

But when the ritual stays the same and your people's lives change, the meaning shifts too. What once said "you belong here" now says "this place doesn't see you." And people feel that. Even if they can't name it.

You Have Three Options

Option 1: Leave it.
Let whoever shows up, show up. Accept that it's now a ritual for some people, not all people. Watch connection slowly fragment.

Option 2: Force it.
Make attendance mandatory. Watch people resent you for turning belonging into compliance. (Hard pass.)

Option 3: Reimagine it.
Create a new ritual that honors where people are now—not where they were ten years ago. Ask what connection looks like for this team, in this season.

Most leaders pick Option 1 by default. They tell themselves it's about respecting people's autonomy. But really? It's easier than admitting that something that once worked doesn't work anymore.

The Rebellion

One of the most honest things you can do as a leader is question what's consuming your team's time, energy, and headspace. Not to blow everything up. Not to add more to the pile. But to make space for what actually matters now.

Your team changed. Your ritual didn't. That's not failure. That's just information.

The question is: what are you going to do with it?

Start Small

Ask your team what rituals feel meaningful—and which ones don't. That's where transformation begins. With awareness. With honesty. With the willingness to let go of something that used to work in order to create something that works now.

Then pick one ritual to redesign. Not five. Not a cultural overhaul. One.

Design it with intention. Make sure it reflects your values, nurtures connection, and creates space for what matters. Make it something people want to show up for—not something they have to sacrifice for.

That's how rituals go from obligatory to alive.